That is sort of a loaded title - but this is just one part of the kind of wife (and really any role) I want to be. I am by nature not a very encouraging person. I am definitely sarcastic, a pessimist (or realist as I like to call it), and not naturally a happy, go-lucky, all-smiles type of girl. I a lot of times wish I was - I always admire women that seem to just be so genuinely happy all of the time. I have many times thought that I wanted to be like certain women because they were soft spoken, respectful, and just sweet. Although I do need to work on being joyful despite my circumstances - among many other things - I realize that I am just not some of those things - and that's ok. My pastor, J.D. Greear, has been going through a series called First Love. It's been about relationships - one of the things that really convicted me was when he was talking about his wife. He said that she was his biggest cheerleader. He said that she built him up so much that sometimes he would have to go into the bathroom to look in the mirror to make sure there wasn't a big "S" on his shirt. He was joking of course about thinking he was superman, but the story really stuck with me. It's always been hard for me to be an encourager. I don't really know why. I have parents that were always extremely supportive and constantly told me how precious I was to them and how proud they were of me. I don't know why it's hard for me to do that with others. I think a lot of it is pride. I want other people to see good in me but I don't really want to point it out in others. I see this in my marriage almost daily. I know that my husband needs words of affirmation (thank you, 5 Love Languages!), and a lot of times I think positive things about him I just don't say them. Although we have a fun, banter back and forth relationship where we can make fun of each other, I realized that I do not encourage him daily. I have always had a hard time too with wanting to be real with people. Meaning, I don't want to act as if I have a perfect marriage. I want people to know that we struggle and life is not always the way it looks from the outside.
Side note: I started to realize this through social media. I even did it myself. I would think - "so and so must have a perfect marriage because I see all of their cute pictures on Facebook and they seem so happy" well they very well may be happy but you can't compare your life to others through what you see on a computer screen. We ALL have issues to work through.
However, I know there is a balance between being real with people and tearing down your husband. So what do I do when I want to find an answer for something I don't know how to do? Google, of course! No, but seriously, I did find this 30 Days of Encouragement challenge:
https://www.reviveourhearts.com/articles/30-day-husband-encouragement-challenge/
I challenged the girls in my small group to do it with me - basically the premise is to not say anything negative to your husband or about your husband to anyone for 30 days. I've failed, pretty much every day. BUT I realize that I'm failing. ha. There goes my "realism" again. It really has opened my eyes to see that I have to consciously make an effort to build him up. Does this mean he always deserves it or never disappoints me? Absolutely not. This, however, is how I can show him gospel. We are given salvation when we absolutely don't deserve it. We are given grace because Jesus paid the price for us. I know that if Jesus can look at me, a sinner who was on my way to hell, as righteous, I can certainly give grace to my husband and build him up as the man God created him to be.
I must say, it's hard. It's counter intuitive for me. Sometimes it even feels awkward when the words come out of my mouth. I see though, through this, that this is how God intended for marriage to make us holy. To put another person above yourself is totally against what the world teaches us. The world says only look out for #1. If it doesn't make YOU happy, don't do it. God says think of yourself last. Serve others. Serve your spouse. Give him grace because you have been given grace.
This will be a daily struggle for me, I'm sure. I hope I look back in 10 years though, and Mark can say with confidence that I am his biggest fan - and I tell him so.
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