I read A LOT before I had Bryce. I read almost every baby book out there. I am very much a planner and I like to know what's coming next. I will have to say, though, that I didn't remember hardly anything from those books after I gave birth. I had to re-read, and re-read. A lot of it just doesn't make sense until you are in the situation. I would read something over again and think "oh, I get it now."
Let me start by saying that there is so much out there. Literally every topic you want to learn about when it comes to babies there are about 20 opinions. It is overwhelming. I cried. Multiple times. At some point you really have to stop researching. I was the worst - Mark will tell you. Any time something went wrong (or so I thought) with Bryce - I would research until I found an answer or something to try. It almost drove me crazy. I do wish I would have just relaxed and enjoyed the time when he was a tiny baby - but I think that's easy to say now. With the second one hopefully I won't be as nervous and crazy!
I read Babywise, Baby Whisperer, Happiest Baby on the Block and many many more. I took tips from each book and did what worked for us. I think that's important. I know there are many people out there that gasp when they hear the word Babywise. To each his own. Everyone has a different opinion, and guess what? That's ok. It's YOUR baby! I just knew that with my personality I wanted to have some sort of schedule. I knew I would be going back to work part-time and I wanted to somewhat have him on a routine. I also knew that I did not do well without sleep. I knew there would be a period of time where I would be sleep deprived but I was determined to get him on good sleeping schedule. I know some people don't agree with that and that's fine! I also know that all babies are different. Some respond well to "sleep training" while others don't. I know my next baby probably won't be as easy as Bryce was.
I'll start with what worked for us and then go back over the negatives of the experience. I really had heard a lot of negativity about Babywise but I wanted to read for myself. I was pleasantly surprised. I think a lot of things are twisted in the book that make it seem very cold and unloving towards your baby. It is not either of those things! It never says to not feed your baby if they are hungry (which I heard) and it never says to let your baby cry for hours on end in order to get them to sleep through the night. It gives you a very basic routine - eat/play/sleep in order for your baby to learn to fall asleep (and stay asleep!) on their own. That is key. Think about it, if your baby has to be rocked to sleep (for example) every time they go down, if they wake up in the middle of the night they don't know how to soothe themselves and go back to sleep, so they cry for you. Now let me say, it's hard to differentiate between a baby crying out of habit and a baby crying out of a need. In the beginning, I went in every time he cried to make sure he was ok or to feed him. The key for me to figuring out when to start "sleep training" was after he had slept for about 7 hours on his own without eating. I knew he could do it. My prediatrician also told me once he was about 10 pounds he did not need to eat every 3-4 hours at night, he could go longer. Granted, Bryce gave me a 5 hour stretch at night the first week we were home - don't get too excited, that happened once and then he went back to waking up every 3-4 hours. He was about 3 months old when I really started sleep training. I would put him down at bedtime - bath, nurse, swaddle - put him in the crib awake and let him fall asleep. It was not always easy. He did not just magically sleep through the night - it took work. He would usually sleep for a good 4-5 hours and then wake up. When he would wake up I would wait 5 minutes before going in. Sometimes he would go right back to sleep, other times he wouldn't. My rule was 15 minutes. If he cried for 15 minutes I determined he was hungry. I would go in and feed him with the lights off and put him right back down. Around 4 months he started sleeping 7pm to 7am. It was not perfect, there was a time where he would wake up at 5:30am and I'd go in and feed him just a little and put him right back down to get him to sleep til 7. Then I had to let him fuss a little at 5:30 and let him fall back asleep. It was hard. I'm not going to lie. I second guessed myself a lot. It was totally worth it though. He sleeps well still but there are always things that can happen, teething, sickness, learning new skills, etc. Like I said, I know all babies are different and my next one may not respond as well. However, the eat/play/sleep routine just makes sense to me. Babywise explains that it helps stabilize their metabolism by feeding every 3 hours. The key is making sure they get a FULL FEEDING (if you are breastfeeding). This was hard. He was so sleepy. He would want to eat for 10 minutes then nod off. I had to keep waking him up. I would sit there and just cry because I was so tired and just wanted to sleep (like he was!!) but I knew if he only ate for 10 minutes he would be hungry again in about an hour or so. My goal was 15 minutes of nursing on each side. Then keep him awake for a little and let him fall asleep on his own. I made a lot of mistakes. I remember I tried to keep him up for wayyy to long in hopes he would sleep longer - that totally backfired. Sleep begets sleep. If they are overtired they have a hard time settling down. It makes no sense but it's true. The more tired they are, the harder for them to go to sleep. Also, there were definitely times he was hungry prior to the 3 hour mark, so I fed him. They go through so many growth spurts - sometimes it's hard to keep up! They eventually get what they need and go back to the 3 hour routine. I probably was too rigid about that in the beginning. I did not want to feed him unless it had been 3 hours, I should have just relaxed. Breastfeeding takes so much out of you mentally and physically, at least it did me. I felt like all I did was feed that child. I takes so long for them to eat and then by the time they are changed and you get something to eat it's time to feed again. It's exhausting! It gets much easier though I promise. Now it only takes about 10 minutes for him to nurse. Now we have the opposite problem, he wants to see what's going on! What was that noise? Where's Dad? He can't sit still for 10 minutes to eat :)
The negatives were I always compared my baby to what Babywise said. If he wasn't doing what the book said I was frustrated and thought I was doing something wrong. You have to remember every baby is different and you have to use some of that God-given mother's intuition - you know your baby better than anyone else (even though sometimes you feel like you have no clue what's going on!). Don't get frustrated if it doesn't always go as planned, because it won't. Let him or her fall asleep on you sometimes, let them sleep in the car, just not every time. I had to get out with Byce the first few weeks, I felt like I was going to go crazy. Mom and I would walk around the mall for hours 2 or 3 times a week sometimes! Bryce would sleep in the stroller. That was a lifesaver for me! You just have to survive those first few months. Don't put too much pressure on yourself, I definitely did. Also, another side note, the Lord totally gave me the strength to get through those weeks of sleep deprivation. I was terrified I would be a nightmare without sleep. I'm sure I wasn't the most fun to be around but I feel like I adjusted better than I thought I would. Make sure you take time for yourself -I was so lucky to have family and friends that would come watch him while I took a nap or just ran to Target for an hour. You have to get away for a little bit. You will go insane. One of my good friends gave me a gift certificate for a massage and I used it when Bryce was about a month old while my mother in law watched him, that was the best gift I could have ever asked for. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Don't try to do it all. Give yourself a mental break by reading something that is NOT baby related. I made that mistake. All I did while he was sleeping was try to read some blog about how to do things better. I was so crazy!
If you're still reading I'm sorry this post is so long! My thoughts are random probably because the first few months are all a blur, but I hope this made some sort of sense.
Here are some of Bryce's latest pictures - almost 9 months old!!
