Let me just start by saying that I will try my best to be as honest as possible without giving you too much detail. I really didn't know what to expect when it came to pregnancy or giving birth. I read lots of books throughout my pregnancy and "mommy blogs". Let me just say that there is a wide array of opinions and experiences and although nothing will really prepare you for what your body will go through I am glad that I read some honest stories of birth and post-birth. I have since tried to be as honest as I can with people about my experience because I felt like sometimes people made it out to be this magical experience and although it gave me my precious son, the birth process and post-birth was difficult and not at all what I expected. I did read some brutally honest blogs about your body after birth and what happens, so I felt a little more prepared there but I think you always think "that won't happen to me". I more so was unprepared for how I felt emotionally and bonding with my baby -- more on that later.
I'm so thankful for how easy my pregnancy was. I literally had no sickness and really felt great the whole time with the exception of the last month or so. The last month I just felt huge as I waddled around and was frustrated that I couldn't sleep well. Side note: I wanted to punch people in the throat when they said "oh it's just preparing you for sleepless nights with the baby!" while I know that's true, it's really not what you want to hear. I would like to get every last bit of sleep I can before that comes, thank you very much. I know most people mean well and I almost catch myself saying it to people too because it is true - but nonetheless you don't want to hear it. And how are you supposed to respond? "Oh, awesome! No more sleep for me? Yippee!!" I'm being harsh. Let me move on.
Like I was saying, I really had such a great pregnancy with no complications at all. The only even remotely difficult thing we went through was at my 8 week appointment during the ultrasound the doctor told us that they saw what could be fluid on the back of the baby's neck which could indicate some sort of chromosomal disorder or down syndrome. They immediately had me go to WakeMed to a specialist to do another ultrasound. The doctor there said everything looked completely fine and that they had just looked at the ultrasound wrong. I have never felt such a flood of emotion as I did that day even in that hour of uncertainty of our baby's health. Me being the pessimist in the relationship (or realist as I like to call it), I immediately went to worst-case scenario in my head. I remember just praying - Lord give me the strength and faith I will need to be this sweet baby's mother no matter what issues he or she may have. I remember sobbing in the car with my mom thinking that my dreams for this baby were not taken away but different. I remember feeling so much love towards that tiny little baby inside of me, hoping and praying that I would be capable of being his or her mother. I really am thankful for that small small moment that allowed me to see even a glimpse of what so many people go through with their children. I can't imagine how difficult it must be but the one thing I do know is that the Lord promises to never leave us or forsake us. I know sometimes He allows things in our lives to make us more like Him. We don't always understand it but I know that He is sovereign.
Fast forward about 7 months..
I started getting checked every week at 36 weeks to see if I was dilated at all and if the baby was dropping. At my 38 week appointment the doctor said I was 1cm dilated, 90% effaced and the baby was really low. I had no idea what that really meant so of course I came home and googled. Really it means nothing. Everyone's different and some people can walk around for 2 weeks being 4cm dilated. So I was hopeful but trying to not get too excited. I had been having Braxton Hicks contractions consistently since 20 weeks, which is weird. They weren't painful just sort of annoying. I remember that Wednesday, Nov. 7 I was at the mall - shopping at BabyGap (where else would I be?) - and really started to feel like I was having "real" contractions. Nothing earth-shattering but I had to stop and catch my breath. I remember I called Mark's sister Anna and said - do you think I'm in labor? She said, I don't think you would be able to be at the mall and be in labor. Haha. Anna and my mom were my go-to people for all of my questions about being pregnant because I really had no idea. They were both very patient with me.
Anyway so that night I kept feeling the contractions but they were not regular at all - about 20 or 30 minutes apart and not really that painful just uncomfortable. I got up around 4am to go to the couch because I kept waking Mark up every time I had to grab hold of my huge belly and flop it to the other side. I slept for about an hour on the couch and got up to go to the bathroom (worst part of pregnancy: having to pee literally almost every 30 minutes) When I got up and walked to the bathroom all of a sudden - GUSH. My water broke. I got SO excited. I remember smiling so big and running upstairs (ok, let's be honest I didn't even come close to running but I hurried). I started shaking Mark and telling him "my water broke, my water broke!" I will never forget him jumping up looking side to side quickly and saying "ok, what do we need to do? it's go time." I called the doctor and she said that there wasn't a huge rush but that they would want to check me at the OB office first. They didn't open til 8am and it was about 5:30am right now. So, what do you think I did? I took a bath. If you know me you will laugh at that because I LOVE baths. It's actually pretty strange and Mark makes fun of me all of the time for it, but I love them. So I laid in the bath for a while then somehow managed to get myself up and put on make-up and dried my hair. I wasn't in any pain. It was great. Mark was pacing around the house not knowing what to do. He made me laugh so hard because it was totally opposite of what he thought it was going to be like. You know, he wanted it to be high-energy (like everything else in his life) and have us racing to the hospital while I'm wailing from pain. I was calmly straightening my hair and I see him come to the bathroom door videoing me while he's talking. This is when the videos started. He videoed me getting ready, us eating at Brueggers, in the car, etc. I was annoyed at the time but now I'm happy we have them :) He just kept saying "we're in labor" like he was about to push this baby out of him. Wow, this post is really long and we're not even at the hospital yet! If anyone is still reading I promise I'll get to the point.
So we went to the OB office at 8am. They checked me and said that I was still only 1cm but was 100% effaced. (effaced = cervix thinned completely) Oh and let me just tell you that when your water breaks - it doesn't just come once. It continues. and continues. and continues. Every time I would walk more water would gush. Not a whole lot but enough to soak one of those huge pads (diapers). I was so self-conscious and terrified that my pants were going to be drenched. Mark was laughing hysterically. Sweet, right? So we left the OB and went straight to WakeMed. I was having mild contractions every 15 minutes or so. They wanted to admit me right away because they wanted me to deliver within 24 hours for fear of infection. I got checked in around 9/9:30am. My nurse was Joy. She was really sweet. She helped me into my gown and I laid in bed. Around 10am the doctor came in and checked me. Still 1cm. He said they were going to go ahead and give me Pitocin to speed up contractions and he asked me if I wanted to labor a while by myself or go ahead and get the epidural. The words "labor a while by myself" were never words that I wanted to hear so I said bring on the needle. (I didn't really say that, I just said "I would like the epidural"). This was the part I had been most anxious about. I do.not.like.pain. I heard that the needle was huge and it would hurt. Thankfully Mark got to stay in there with me while I got it. My OB gave me the epidural which I thought was strange but to my surprise it did not hurt at all! I literally didn't feel it. They put some Lidocaine around the area first which I guess helped a lot. I almost immediately felt like my legs were warm and tingly. I felt great! This was at about 11:30am. Mom and Amanda came in after that and we just talked for a little bit. They decided to go back home for a little bit and come back later on in the evening since we knew it would probably be a while before Bryce would come. Mark then shot another video, this time of Joy - asking her what her prediction was as to what time Bryce would be here. I think she said 11:37pm. Mark said he thought it would be sooner. Our poor nurse, who videos the nurse? My husband, that's who. Mark then decides he was going to go get some lunch before my contractions started to pick up. It's cool, I'll just hang out here, I said :) Joy then told me she had to put a catheter in while I had the epidural because I wouldn't be able to walk to go the bathroom. So she put that in and immediately I felt uncomfortable. She said she would be back soon to check on me. Mark came back and I told him the catheter really hurt. Yes, I had an epidural and I thought I wasn't supposed to really feel much but I did. It hurt. Mark asked her to come back and check it. She came back in and I know she was thinking "wow lady, this is going to be a long day if you're already complaining about the catheter". I told her I was sorry for being a pain but it really was uncomfortable. She said she could take it out and would just have to help me go to the bathroom every 3 hours. I said, totally fine. She took the catheter out and said, is that better? No, it wasn't better. I felt so much pressure I couldn't explain it. This was about 1:30pm at this point. I kept looking at Mark saying, something doesn't feel right I really am in pain. Joy said she would check me to see if I had progressed at all. She checked me and her face was hilarious. Not really panic but shock and said you're completely dilated. I can feel his head. WHAT?? I could not believe it. Then I felt a really strong urge to push. I told her and she told me to push if I felt like I had to. Mark grabbed my left leg, she grabbed my right and I began to push. She kept yelling into the hallway to get the doctor. I would wait about 30 seconds to a minute in between each contraction and then push when I felt the contraction come. IT HURT. It hurt so bad. I felt like, well exactly what was happening. When you hear the phrase "ring of fire" - YES. That's what it felt like. I don't know if I was supposed to feel that with the epidural but I did. I remember looking over at Mark and saying "I can't do this, I really can't do this" and he said "YES, YOU CAN! YES, YOU CAN!" He was so great, I loved having him by my side. He was the best encourager. I remember Joy asking Mark if he wanted to see the head. He looked and his eyes got really big. He just told me he was right there and he would be coming out soon. That made me feel so much better. I never really wanted Mark to be that close to the action but he really didn't have a choice. The doctor was not even in the room yet. I thought Mark would be scarred for life. But afterwards he said he was so glad he got to see it, he said it was awesome. The doctor came in about 5 minutes later and said "you already huffing and puffing? you haven't been doing this long". Um. Really? He sat down and coached me when to push. Literally 5 minutes later I felt his head come through and then the doctor told me to stop and wait. Then he said push slowly. How does one push slowly? I tried as best I could and I remember then feeling his shoulders come through. Sorry, I know that's graphic - but,t it was crazy! The doctor asked Mark if he wanted to cut the cord and Mark, wiping his eyes, nodded yes. He said he could barely see through his tears and that made him nervous to cut it. So precious. They put Bryce on my chest and I will never forget him lifting his little head, blinking and looking around - he was so alert! It was like he was thinking, where am I? Mark and I just stared at him laughing and crying. They took him and checked him out for a minute while the doctor stitched me up. I asked him if I tore. He said yes. I said, bad? He said not too bad. They gave Bryce back to me for a little bit and then my family came in to see us before I got moved to the postpartum room. I remember being so happy that all three of my brothers, my two sisters and my parents were all there right away. Everyone took turns holding him and Brooke took pictures. She is the best. She always remembers to take pictures and I'm always so happy that she does because of course I always forget. I was not thinking about pictures at that moment!
Bryce John Jackson born at 2:37pm 7 lbs. 8 oz. and 20 inches long on November 8, 2012. (My due date was November 17) I feel so thankful for having had such a quick labor - the nurse told me that when I have my next baby I need to make sure I tell them how fast my first labor was because I may not make it to the hospital in time. Point taken.
